The Sometimes Unspoken…..

Words of another single full time working, student & parent

Posts Tagged ‘responses

In A New Place

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Things in my life are changing.  I have been in this transitional mode since I started school last fall.  I remember my first month, I was extremely shy and really lacked confidence.  It is noticeable between last semester and this semester.  I had the fear of being an older student in class with younger students fresh in their schooling experience.  I had not seen school for over 15 years.  I was afraid I would not remember how to study or worse, that I could not retain fast paced loads of new information.

A client of mine had encouraged me to keep going and promised me that it would get better.  She had just completed her BA degree in Business.  I sucked up every tip, tittle and word she mentioned of her experience as an adult learner.  She is right, it gets better.  Although, I think it brings a sense of youthfulness as well.  Sometimes I just don’t want to do my studies and my homework.  Fortunately, at my age, there is enough self discipline that I do know better.  Action begets action.  Still makes sludge.

It is almost as if I am in a new place.  Reinventing myself if you will.  There is so much “wrong” in my world, but its unnoticeable to the outside.  Much of it is within me or are things I have ignored or avoided dealing with.  Some of this is fading out, being dealt with and life is moving on.  The monster’s are shrinking.

Yesterday, I realized how much spending fifteen minutes on makeup can affect how people react to you.  I had also dressed better this week.  My mother bought me some clothes this past week.  She is so awesome and sweet.  I went to work dressed up and better then I normally do.  Its just clothing and makeup.  I even had to complete then look and straighten my hair.  The results, many comments and a shift in how people talk to me.

I find it funny.  I am the same person regardless if I am dressed up or sporting torn jeans.  Appearance does have an affect, regardless of your personality.  Guys are flirting with me, talking to me.  Ladies are talking to me and being more social.  I think people are attracted to things that look good to them.  We are visual creatures.  If that were not true, porn would not be as big of an industry as it is now. :/

Last night I was in Walmart, because that is where my bank is located.  I know….I am a Walmart shopper.  I forgot I was dressed up for work.  I walked in and more people said hello to me then I think I have ever had experienced from general strangers.  People were looking and staring at me.  I felt like an alien, like I was out of place or did not belong there.  Quickly, I tossed the things I needed into my cart (well – I did my banking and I was there) and made my way to the check out lane.  People around me would stare and smile, wave to say Hi, nod their heads in hello.  The cashier was more pleasant then she was to the person before and after me.  Strangeness.  Kinda creepy.

I am not sure why such a drastic change in responses.  Maybe I was smiling as I was walking around or maybe my eyes were more inviting as well.  I know I was very content in what I was feeling for the day.  Maybe its more then hair, makeup and dressing nice.  Maybe its having our contentment show, looking at people, holding our head up and being present.

I am in a new strange place.  I can’t complain.  All I can say is that I am going to run with it!


Written by neomav

February 19, 2011 at 9:37 am

Posted in Feelings

Tagged with , , ,

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