The Sometimes Unspoken…..

Words of another single full time working, student & parent

Posts Tagged ‘people

Frustrations in Relationships

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Relationships have a huge impact and are so very important in our daily lives.  A relationship ignored or abandoned may not impact us right away, but it will have a long lasting affect over a long period of time.  In the end it sneaks up and tries to bite everyone.

Sometimes, though, one has to choose to love a person from a distance.  It can be because of abusive personalitites, addicitions, consistent poor life choices or any measure of things that bring about an unhealthy aspect to the relationship.  It is necessary to do, even if everyone around does not understand that fact.

When I was younger, I found my escape from relationships that were very unhealthy.  Had I chosen to keep those relationships in my daily life, right now I would be very lucky if I were able to hold the most basic job.  In fact, I would have the viewpoint that the world owed me.

Many think that simply removing yourself from an unhealthy relationship fixes things.  It doesn’t.  The person leaving the unhealthy relationships has to somehow determine what was unhealthy and avoid relationships with those aspects in them.  They also need to deal with the series of issues that exist deep down after having spent much time living with or involved in unhealthy relationships. 

I had to go through a series of situations and relationships to acutally learn the clues as to what was unhealthy and what was healthy.  I am still learning.  Had I gone to counseling on these issues right out of the gate, perhaps I would have avoided all the marriages I had been involved in.  (Relax – I still do not have Elizabeth Taylor beat!)

Yet there is a more central issue.  Where I place my life to start with!  What is it centered upon.  I know I have mentioned this before, but it truly does play a role.  For instance, if my life is centered upon God and I believe that God created me with a purpose, that He molded me with His hands and shaped me, I cannot deny God’s love for me.  If God loves me, then there is something about me that is essentially good.  Something that is actually lovable.  If God loves me, I need to be able to love me.

Loving oneself has a major thing to do with the choices we make.  If we feel that we are not worthy of something or someone, we ruin it somehow.  We make some choice that hurts those relationships or we simply shut the door.  However, if we feel that we are worthy enough, we run with it.  We tend to it.  We care for it.

The irony here is that one can be hard pressed to say they deserve God’s love.  God loves us anyway and in there is another lesson.  It doesn’t matter if we feel we are worthy enough, we need to love anyway – to include loving ourselves enough to make healthy choices.  Yet, the human side of us makes choices in many cases of of our emotional impulses.  Advertisers know this.  Just take some time to study how they determine what colors to use, what images to associate and which words to use in ads.  They are all geared to draw us through our emotional side.

Therefore it gets frustrating at times.  It is hard enough to make good choices for ourselves.  One has to also deal with the choices that others have made.  After all, we are tallking about relationships.  You need another party to have the relationship.

Our values will have a huge impact on what we understand.  In my life I have ex-husbands.  I do not understand their choices in life and sometimes their choices impact my life in one way or another.  I get frustrated because I cannot validate, understand or justify their choices.

You have to let others make their own choices even if they have an impact on you.  However, you do not have to stay so close as to always be hurt or negatively impacted.  A little distance can keep things healthier and happier in the long run.  Loving from the distance has its value in some cases.

Nevertheless, we will always experience frustration in one way or another.  Just remember that as long as the relationship is healthy and it creates constant positive impacts on life, the frustration is quite all right.  If it is unhealthy and creates a constant negative impact on life, it is a flag for you to take some action.


Written by neomav

October 7, 2011 at 6:01 pm

The Third Day ~ Week One

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Tuesday was day three!  I can’t believe it.  Almost half way through the week and I feel like I am doing okay, but still puddling around.  Maybe I am too hard on myself.

The water is still an issue, but I do find myself drinking more of it.  Maybe as we work towards a healthier lifestyle the small changes encourage a natural change as well.  This could be the best way for me to manage the changes I desire in my life.

Still no tea drinking, just lots of coffee.  Okay, let me clarify that.  Lots of coffee to me means taking eight hours to drink one cup of coffee.  Just wanted to be sure to be clear on that one before someone sent me a message telling me to lay off the coffee a bit.  LOL!

I did the gym thing at Curves.  Still very much intimidated by the ladies there.  They are chatty and I have figured out the timing to minimize my shy factor.  If I arrive 30 minutes after the club opens, many of those ladies are getting ready to leave and are just finishing up.  I get to start, say hello, practice social skills and get used to them without having to fight the ” freak out” tendency in me during the entire work out.  As I get used to them, that feeling will subside and it will not be a big deal.  Right now, however, it is.

Breathing still isn’t happening.  I really need to give it a try.  However, right before bed is a bad time.  Instead of breathing, I fall asleep.  I am sure I am breathing then, but it is different when you place a conscious effort on the breathing.  It is in a sense training of the lungs, body and brain at the same time.  My mind has a tendency to wander about during very still periods.  Still and I do not work well together.  If you were allowed a visit inside my mind you would probably find things all over and not in any sensible order at this moment in time.  It would have a hazard zone and entry would be denied due to safety issues.  LOL!

The plant, I am happy to report, is still alive.  Yay!!  I am thinking about getting another one sometime in the future.  Looking at it does give me a bubbly happy feeling.  Strange since its just a plant.  But it does.  I want to wait and see how responsible I can be with this one first.  I do not want to go down on the record as the plant killer for the century.

I have developed what seems like a little cold this day.  I wonder – is this a body clean out reaction? If it is, maybe doing it slow is best.  I would hate to see the full born result at one time.  I would be dead out.  O.o

Written by neomav

April 7, 2011 at 4:26 pm

In A New Place

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Things in my life are changing.  I have been in this transitional mode since I started school last fall.  I remember my first month, I was extremely shy and really lacked confidence.  It is noticeable between last semester and this semester.  I had the fear of being an older student in class with younger students fresh in their schooling experience.  I had not seen school for over 15 years.  I was afraid I would not remember how to study or worse, that I could not retain fast paced loads of new information.

A client of mine had encouraged me to keep going and promised me that it would get better.  She had just completed her BA degree in Business.  I sucked up every tip, tittle and word she mentioned of her experience as an adult learner.  She is right, it gets better.  Although, I think it brings a sense of youthfulness as well.  Sometimes I just don’t want to do my studies and my homework.  Fortunately, at my age, there is enough self discipline that I do know better.  Action begets action.  Still makes sludge.

It is almost as if I am in a new place.  Reinventing myself if you will.  There is so much “wrong” in my world, but its unnoticeable to the outside.  Much of it is within me or are things I have ignored or avoided dealing with.  Some of this is fading out, being dealt with and life is moving on.  The monster’s are shrinking.

Yesterday, I realized how much spending fifteen minutes on makeup can affect how people react to you.  I had also dressed better this week.  My mother bought me some clothes this past week.  She is so awesome and sweet.  I went to work dressed up and better then I normally do.  Its just clothing and makeup.  I even had to complete then look and straighten my hair.  The results, many comments and a shift in how people talk to me.

I find it funny.  I am the same person regardless if I am dressed up or sporting torn jeans.  Appearance does have an affect, regardless of your personality.  Guys are flirting with me, talking to me.  Ladies are talking to me and being more social.  I think people are attracted to things that look good to them.  We are visual creatures.  If that were not true, porn would not be as big of an industry as it is now. :/

Last night I was in Walmart, because that is where my bank is located.  I know….I am a Walmart shopper.  I forgot I was dressed up for work.  I walked in and more people said hello to me then I think I have ever had experienced from general strangers.  People were looking and staring at me.  I felt like an alien, like I was out of place or did not belong there.  Quickly, I tossed the things I needed into my cart (well – I did my banking and I was there) and made my way to the check out lane.  People around me would stare and smile, wave to say Hi, nod their heads in hello.  The cashier was more pleasant then she was to the person before and after me.  Strangeness.  Kinda creepy.

I am not sure why such a drastic change in responses.  Maybe I was smiling as I was walking around or maybe my eyes were more inviting as well.  I know I was very content in what I was feeling for the day.  Maybe its more then hair, makeup and dressing nice.  Maybe its having our contentment show, looking at people, holding our head up and being present.

I am in a new strange place.  I can’t complain.  All I can say is that I am going to run with it!

Written by neomav

February 19, 2011 at 9:37 am

Posted in Feelings

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