The Sometimes Unspoken…..

Words of another single full time working, student & parent

Archive for the ‘Illnesses’ Category

Awe Inspired Stumbling

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We sometimes take for granted that life is filled with luxuries or those things we feel are necessary, but in reality are nothing more than a nice to have.  I always have to giggle a bit as to where God has placed me in life.

I stand with one foot rubbing shoulders with the wealthy.  Their lives filled with fine clothes, decent cars, the ultimate in television entertainment, gadgets and technology to make any geek or geekette drool for ages to come and access to pretty much any whim that strikes them.

My other foot rubs shoulders with the working poor.  By contrast they are washing clothes by hand in their tubs, public access television is the only available channel, radio is the big thing there, internet is accessed at friends or family member’s houses, the cars do not always work when you need them and sometimes its a tough choice to go to the doctor when needed or wait it out because there are other bills that need to be paid.

Neither set of my friends are discontent with their lives.  I always imagined that those that were very wealthy would have huge holes of loneliness embedded in their lives.  The truth is that loneliness can happen to someone regardless.  For those that were poor I had always though that there was a feeling of being without.  The truth is, its hard to feel without something if you have never had it to start with.

It took me a while to understand that issues and problems are known, felt and experienced at every level, by every person, at any age.  Wealth has nothing to do with it.  It may affect the type of issues and problems, but not always.  Neither is better off than the other.

I listened as one of my friends told me a series of events that were happening in the life of his family and himself.  While he has considerable more money than I have, his problems and issues are not fewer than mine.  In fact, in many cases, his issues and problems are extremely similar to mine.  It doesn’t matter that his house is bigger or that he has money to satisfy any and every whim.  The pressures and stress of life are honestly not very different than what I experience.

Life happens to everyone that opens their eyes at the start of their day, that draws in a breath and is here another day, by the grace of God’s hand.  We are the fortunate and blessed.  We have another day and another opportunity.

This life is awe inspired in an awkward sort of way.  We bumble and trip and stumble on the road as we walk our paths in life.  Each of us learning something, and not always the right something.  Life is a series of awe inspired stumblings.  Somehow, somewhere in that walk, God manages to reach us.  We manage to find truth, even if its just for a moment.  And we repeat this over and over again, each time able to hold onto the truths of life that much longer.

I hope in my life that I can be awe inspired and awe inspire others with each step no matter how silly or crazy those steps can be.  I do not want to be just another person trying to survive the day in this world.  I want to be someone filled with awe, inspired by the very essence of life.  I do not care if I stumble as I go, but just that I am able to go and be that which was intended of me to be.

Tonight I sit and write.  I should be studying for exams and taking my Real Estate law class exam online.  My teen is sick and sleeping just a few feet from me.  Concentration is not my thing tonight and it is not that worry eats at my heart.  God is here.  My heart hurts that she has to endure the pains of illness even for a moment.  Even though, in some crazy way, it potentially is good for her, as it brings a reality about that every day even though good, can have moments that do not feel so great.

Yet we are not abandoned.  It is truly good.  Life is here, in our home, even with sickness.  So for now we stumble this portion of the road, maybe fall here and there.  Our hearts are still filled ~ we are awe inspired stumbling.


Written by neomav

November 13, 2011 at 11:32 pm

The Third Day ~ Week One

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Tuesday was day three!  I can’t believe it.  Almost half way through the week and I feel like I am doing okay, but still puddling around.  Maybe I am too hard on myself.

The water is still an issue, but I do find myself drinking more of it.  Maybe as we work towards a healthier lifestyle the small changes encourage a natural change as well.  This could be the best way for me to manage the changes I desire in my life.

Still no tea drinking, just lots of coffee.  Okay, let me clarify that.  Lots of coffee to me means taking eight hours to drink one cup of coffee.  Just wanted to be sure to be clear on that one before someone sent me a message telling me to lay off the coffee a bit.  LOL!

I did the gym thing at Curves.  Still very much intimidated by the ladies there.  They are chatty and I have figured out the timing to minimize my shy factor.  If I arrive 30 minutes after the club opens, many of those ladies are getting ready to leave and are just finishing up.  I get to start, say hello, practice social skills and get used to them without having to fight the ” freak out” tendency in me during the entire work out.  As I get used to them, that feeling will subside and it will not be a big deal.  Right now, however, it is.

Breathing still isn’t happening.  I really need to give it a try.  However, right before bed is a bad time.  Instead of breathing, I fall asleep.  I am sure I am breathing then, but it is different when you place a conscious effort on the breathing.  It is in a sense training of the lungs, body and brain at the same time.  My mind has a tendency to wander about during very still periods.  Still and I do not work well together.  If you were allowed a visit inside my mind you would probably find things all over and not in any sensible order at this moment in time.  It would have a hazard zone and entry would be denied due to safety issues.  LOL!

The plant, I am happy to report, is still alive.  Yay!!  I am thinking about getting another one sometime in the future.  Looking at it does give me a bubbly happy feeling.  Strange since its just a plant.  But it does.  I want to wait and see how responsible I can be with this one first.  I do not want to go down on the record as the plant killer for the century.

I have developed what seems like a little cold this day.  I wonder – is this a body clean out reaction? If it is, maybe doing it slow is best.  I would hate to see the full born result at one time.  I would be dead out.  O.o

Written by neomav

April 7, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Life As A Stuck Gas Pedal

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Sometimes life goes by so fast, one can barely take a moment to breathe in a breath, let alone blink eyes.  It is like life is stuck on fast forward or someone really heavy is sitting on the gas pedal.  That has gotten me to thinking that maybe we are the gas pedal.

I know this past week, I spent everyday running from one moment to the next.  Time was definitely not on my side and I am thankful to the God I have for giving me the ability to survive it.  O.o  Seriously, there is no way I as a person could have singularly accomplished what was done.

Work was spent in the catch up mode.  I was behind before I had gotten the flu.  Missing two days from work certainly did not help that.  My goal is to be all caught up and off the reactive mode before the end of this month.  That is a birthday present to myself.  The ultimate goal – to reduce stress, become more efficient and effective in what I do.  I may be busy, but I don’t want people to “feel” my busy.

Home is like a hurricane or natural disaster came over for a visit and secluded itself solely to the inside of my house.  This is what happens when single parents get sick and the children take over – bless their hearts.  O.o  I think its natures way of getting a sick parent to recuperate faster.  The demise of the home encourages the single parent to re-establish a semblance of order.  If for nothing else, for the sake of sanity.  Nevertheless, my house needs a good once over once again.  The children did try to take care of me and they did a good job at making sure I had water, tea, chicken soup and snacks.  However, their personal habits are not fully developed and their idea of clean is – well – not mine.  O.O

Taxes still need to be completed.  I have some boxes to organize the large mass of paper from over the years that managed to get tossed about over the past year while I was working on the main areas of the house.  Basically, last year my room became the toss it room and contained the livingroom, kitchen and the girls room as I worked on each space.  That includes every book, paper, office supply, pot, pan, toy, etc.

Now things have slowly made their way to their respective rooms and I am left with a huge disorganized mass that used to be in a very specific order.  Sighz!  At any rate, I have the years all placed in their boxes and am trying to pull out any left over scraps and pieces.  I know I do not have everything because there is quite a bit that I have not uncovered.

The interesting thing in putting this back in order is how quickly I ran through 2002 through 2010.  It was a blink, a moment.  From my move back to this state to live near my parents to today.  That took me through my first house purchase, my third marriage and demise of it, over $30,000 of debt taken care of and the transitional waiting period as I figure out when and how to get through my third divorce.  Eight years and I was amazed to see all the issues and problems resolved.  The huge amount of life that was lived and the experiences both good and bad.  I have been through significant things, to include the deaths of my dear Poppa and my Dad.

Life as a gas pedal.  You are pushed to the floor repeatedly by a seemingly unknown force, until one day, you just stick there.  Stuck.  Refusing to budge.  It gets tiring the slow up and then the speed up and by time you are caught up you are already behind.  Somewhere in the back of the mind is the thought if it is one consistent speed, like a professional runner in for the marathon, things will be stable.  Nice try as something works on you to get you to function properly so you are no longer stuck on go.

My life over the last eight years was like that of a stuck gas pedal.  Life on and in speed.  It makes me laugh as I reflect on someone who prophesied over me and told me that this period of my life is a time of rest.  If this is resting, I do not think I am ready for the other!  I think the prophesy was inaccurate.  I think this was a time of training to guide my strong will into using those powers for good versus other.  Just saying…..what else could it be?

Written by neomav

March 14, 2011 at 6:08 pm

Flu Knock Down

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This week I encountered a serious battle with the flu.  Not sure where the bug came from, but it did find me and grab hold.

Tuesday night at school I was really feeling out of sorts.  I passed it off on low blood sugar, which I do deal with from time to time.  Wednesday at work, I was feeling it.    My body ached, it screamed uncomfortable and yet it was bearable.

Come in Thursday morning and it felt like I had just finished an in person battle with some deep dark nemesis that I could not see.  Today, I am a little better, but extremely aware of every joint in my body.

So……I had a choice.  Go to work and attempt to tough it out or stay home and rest it out.  I actually had to think about this, but not too deeply.  I find when I am sick, holding onto an idea for any length of time is difficult.

If I went to work everyone would have to suffer a cranky attitude that would increase as the day went on, but I would be able to get everything I had planned to do done.  I just want to get things done, off my plate and resolved.  Now its sitting there calling to me, a faint sound that periodically wakes me up from resting.

If I stay home, I get the rest my body needs, but stress about things that need to be done.

I chose to stay home for one reason…not to rest, not to recuperate, but because I was in the bathroom more then I was anywhere else.  Because standing up sent my head into a throbbing fit and outside of the covers put a chill inside of me that caused my body to shake in fits.  I stayed home because my body protested angrily.  This time, my body successfully vetoed my mind.

The recommendations in the meantime….

  • Get plenty of sleep.  Sleep is where our bodies actually do the bulk of the repair of itself.  Find yourself sleepy…your body is telling you a very serious message.
  • Drink plenty of clear fluids.  Dark soda’s are not going to work here and sugar drinks can create issues.  Water is great, however you will need more then that.  Try some tea or ginger ale.  Sip slowly and avoid cold or overly hot drinks.
  • Use the BRAT diet.  Banana, rice, applesauce and toast.  Start simple and don’t try to push large portions.  A bite here and there work best.
  • Brush your teeth.  Silly I know, but when people don’t feel well, they don’t do this.  Your mouth is home to over 600 different types of bacteria.  Vomiting will bring bacteria from the internal portions of your body (stomach for example) up into your mouth, where they can potentially take up residence.  Ewwwww.  Brush those teeth and rest well.
  • Worry about work, school, housework and other things after a couple of days of rest.  Trust me, you will be more productive after the rest, then avoiding the rest.

Well, its time for me to lay down and rest more.  My body is crying, the bathroom is calling and my stomach is protesting.  Until the next time…  ❤

Written by neomav

March 4, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Posted in Illnesses

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