The Sometimes Unspoken…..

Words of another single full time working, student & parent

Render Me Useless

with 2 comments

Sometimes I have these days or moments where I feel like I am just useless.  I wonder what I am doing and why I am doing it.  It is like choosing to fight a war that you know the odds are simply against you.  No one is betting you will win.  The underdog stance.

I do this when I feel very tired, burnt out or stressed about things.  I know it sounds depressing, but I truly do not view it that way.  It is an awesome way my body has for communicating to me that things are not in order.  Something is out of place.  It goes straight to my personal self esteem and attacks it.

See, I understand that I am not useless.  I also know that it is okay to feel that way at times.  It has a meaning.  It is not okay if this is the feeling one walks around with all day for days on end.  Moments of lacking confidence are important to us and necessary.  Not that I am defending, but just that I realize if I do not have moments like this, it is easy to loose touch with life.  Being overly confident is not exactly the best thing for us either.  Many think so, but I disagree.  The middle road is best.  We need moments that cause us to question ourselves and make us ask why something is the way it is.  They are growing times, if we let them to be.

So the big question is why this feeling?  It is simple really.  I am doing things that are way out of my comfort zone.

The social media game I love to play is intense and filled with people that do it as a profession.  They are great at it.  Its filled with people that have lots of time for online activities and thus they are rewarded for it.  Most of them are professionals in one way or another.  There are a few people like myself that are the odd balls out.  I refuse to quit though.  Even when it gets difficult.  The reality is, it is good for me.  The people I have meet and connected with have a different mindset than many of those normally around me.  My interests and hobbies are their professions.  They cheer me on even when my goals are not the same.  Compared to them, I am very socially inept.  My biggest lesson is how inconsistent I can be.

School is constantly pushing me to do that much more than I thought I could do.  It is expanding my mind, changing the way I think and the way I view things.  When the light is revealed even the details are suddenly exposed.  I have one year under my belt and it is still a huge challenge.  It is far more than study habits and good grades.  Again, I am out of my comfort zone.

At work I am constantly involved with things that I feel are outside of my skill range.  I am stretched, busy and sometimes lost.  I go back and forth feeling great and wondering if today is the day I get the notice.  I am not doing a bad job at all, but much of what I think actually ties into what I expect me to be able to do.  I have a little bit of a perfectionist tendency.

At home I sometimes want to just quit and say I can’t do this.  Life can be relentless, never giving a moment to just chill out.  I am out of my elements here as well as I continue to do work  on the house, learn new things (mostly the hard way) and face the challenges that life brings to us.

On all fronts I seem to be facing challenges and things that force me to stretch more, learn more and do more.  I am way outside of my comfort zone.  No complaints here, just an observation.  I am actually excited to see what is in store for us.  I know there are huge blessings rushing at me, surrounding me and covering me.  The adventures continue and I am thrilled!

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Written by neomav

August 18, 2011 at 10:12 pm

2 Responses

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  1. I think the fact that you’re able to identify and express how you feel is an awesome sign. I’m glad I found this post. You kind of sound like me many times. I agree with you about the middle too. I hate the weak part about it, but I feel it’s that part, not the confident part, that teaches you the lessons you really need. Social aspects, I feel the same way. I love it when I meet awesome people online. I feel like somehow they’re just regular people yet the open-mindedness of my online team is immensely different than the one-track minded nonsense I seem to not be able to get away from either at work, at play, in class, etc. When the going gets tough, sometimes the tough get blogging. You haven’t cracked yet and that my dear shows some fucking guts and determination :). Keep your head up high chica.

    Andrew Rowley

    August 18, 2011 at 10:22 pm

    • Hi, Andrew! Thank you so much for that very real and encouraging comment. The tough do get blogging when things get tough, don’t they! LOL! It is a great way to not only express oneself, but also be able to reach out to those in similar situations. Be seeing you around the blogosphere soon! 😀

      neomav

      August 19, 2011 at 11:13 am


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